By Tee Tyson
I have a crush. It isn’t new, either. I’ve been harbouring it for a fair bit of time, hiding it away like it’s some dirty secret. A lot of people say their crushes are inexplicable, I know why Kristen Bell keeps me up at night.
To steal a line from Veronica Mars, “I believe cartoon birds braid her hair in the morning.”
In this day and age, when celebrities are flashing their gash and acting the fools all over Hollywood, it’s nice to see a sweet girl with her head on straight. She’s sweet as candy, too. All appreciative and shit on her twitter account, giving props out to her fans and being all responsive and crap. Maybe she didn’t get the memo that celebrities aren’t supposed to have the time of day for the little people.
I’m not complaining.
Yeah, I know. Usually, I like my girls a bit darker and sinister, with a wicked streak to write home about, but there’s something nice about the girl next door. Rosy cheeks. Those innocent eyes. And married. The horror. The tragedy.
And another thing that appeals to my herbivore-ass, she’s vegan. And vocal about it. This quote alone endears me to her:
I have always been an animal lover. I had a hard time disassociating the animals I cuddled with — dogs and cats, for example — from the animals on my plate.
So what more could I ask for in a crush?
But where did this little infatuation start?
If you are unaware of the utter brilliance of this television show, then let me inform you. Witty. Wry. Cunning. Three words that pretty much all mean the same thing. Still, the show had chops and, apparently, a fabulous cult following and supremely dedicated fans, even though critics said it never had an audience. What a bunch of boneheads. Still, it only lasted three seasons, talk about a major rip off. Not to mention the series finale left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. It was good, yes, but it also left me wanting more. There were still questions I wanted answered.
Later on in life I would learn this unsatisfactory ending was done intentionally.
Once I took notice of the quirky and cute as a button Mz Bell, I saw her everywhere. No, I wasn’t stalking her. She just seemed to blow up. Not literally. Professionally speaking.
I even started watching Gossip Girl because she narrated it. Truthfully, it’s a terrible show that I simply cannot turn away from. We all love a good train wreck.
And then the sloth video happened. And my ‘like’ turned to ‘love’.
Anyone who holds so much passion for a creature, especially the sloth, is not only a-okay in my books, but an exceptional human being. Please, watch this and tell me she isn’t the cutest thing in the entire freakin’ world:
So, I’ll just say it once and once only. I’m a Marsh Mallow. Got a problem with that?
Didn’t think so.