By Tee Tyson
Above everything else, the Pankhearst babes love women. Strong. Independent. Hilariously dirty. Women. And we love to promote these women because the world is a cruel and hard place. So we invited the foul-mouthed, word weaver Kendall Grey into the Interrogation Room. Please be forewarned, she has been known to make sailors blush. Alright, let’s get down to business.
Important information is best to get over and done with so we can partake in the fun, dirty stuff. Who you are? And why should people pay attention to you? Remember, this isn’t a novel, it’s an interview question. We award points for low word counts and highbrow wit.
I am a professional liar. People pay me money to make up stuff. Under no circumstances should ANYONE pay attention to me. I am full of shit.
As full of shit as you are, you also have a cause which excites and endears us. Tell us about the whales. Where did the love come from?
On a fluke (pun intended), I took a Masters course wherein I “worked” on a whale watch boat every day for a week as an intern. I learned about the whales and taught passengers about them. I fell head-over-heels in love with everything about them. The love continues to grow daily.
And can we bottle your passion and sell it to the masses? No, seriously. We promise to cut you in on the profits.
I’ve heard whaley passion is emitted via pheromones in boobsweat, which explains a lot. I have a lot of boobsweat.
When all is said and done, you come with a disclaimer 18 and over. No ifs, ands or buts. Still, some people have made the massive mistake of assuming your write Young Adult books which has lead to some difficulty with the PC Brigade. Who is spreading these nasty rumours? And how do you deal with the lack of love from uptight uppies?
My best guess is people see the covers and assume (as they do with pretty much every cover out there) it’s YA. If a book has a chick on it, it’s YA. If a book has a dude on it, it’s YA. If the book has a chick AND a dude on it, it’s YA. On top of these erroneous assumptions, some readers are apparently illiterate, an irony which boggles the mind. My book blurbs are pretty clear. Every one of them starts off with a warning about the graphic content. I’m not sure how much more obvious I can be. If you don’t read the blurb before you buy, I’m afraid I have no sympathy for your dumb ass. *Shrugs*
We also do not have sympathy for dumb asses.
You describe yourself as an Indie Freedom Fighter. That interests us. It seems as though you’re all about ‘doing it for yourself’. Tell us why Indie?
The 40+ rejections I received from New York’s publishing elite suggested that I was an unwanted, good-for-nothing, poor-excuse-of-a-writer. Despite the gatekeepers’ derision, I had lots of things to say and wasn’t about to be silenced. So I told New York to go fuck itself, and I published the books myself. I have no regrets and lots of book sales.
It takes a brave soul to tell New York to ‘go fuck itself’ and also one who isn’t a stranger to hard work. We know you have worked your sweet, little ass off, not only for your cause, but for your writing. But it must feel pretty good when you get to cut a cheque to Whale Camp. What is the most important thing you’ve learned from this endeavour, both about yourself and the writing industry?
About myself: There’s no limit to what I can do on my own. I am the captain of this ship. If I don’t like the direction my book is going, I alter course. If I don’t like my crew, I hire someone else. If I want to charge more or less for my reading voyages, I adjust the price. Yes, I make a ton of mistakes, but they’re my mistakes. I own them. I also own my success, and I’m ecstatic to share it with the whales I love.
A nautical analogy. You are my hero. And about the publishing?
About publishing: This industry is fickle. There’s no rhyme or reason to what sells and what doesn’t. There’s no correlation between quality and quantity. And unfortunately, there’s no accounting for taste in most instances.
Alright, let’s get serious. You clearly love the word fuck. We also love the word fuck. I mean, it’s really a very versatile word. Tell us, what’s your favourite way to use this incredibly flexible word?
I most often use it as a verb, followed by the direct object “you.” I’ll admit, my deployment of the word is pretty mundane and lacking in originality, but I prefer to save the more creative uses for my books.
Speaking of your books, I spent some time reading your character interviews for the Just Breathe Trilogy, most notably Bryn. Raunchy, sexy, steamy. All things high on our list of awesome here at Pankhearst. Now we hear you are delving into an erotica project. Where do you find your inspiration, Little Miss Dirty Bird? And how hard (pun intended) is it to write these sexy scenes?
Ah, Bryn. I’d love to spank his monkey. And other stuff. I often troll the Interwebz for pictures of glorious dudes and use them for inspiration. All sorts of ideas spew to life when I load my desktop with images of manly hotness. I also get great inspiration in the shower. No idea why that’s such a font of creative activity, but fuck it. I take what I can get, where get it.
I understand. Inspiration always strikes me when I’m in the bath. And at the supermarket groping melons.
Once I figure out who the characters are, writing sex scenes is a piece of piss—a hell of a lot easier than writing plot. Hey, just like the bestsellers, huh? Maybe this 100% trashy erotica book I’m working on will be The One.
Despite our desire as writers to love all the characters we create, there usually is one that worms their way into our heart and soul. Who is your favourite? And why?
It’s hard for me to choose one favorite. I love Gavin (the hero from the JUST BREATHE Trilogy) more than hot fudge, but I also have a soft spot for Sinnder, a “villain” from the same series. He’s tortured, naughty, and conflicted. Total sexy balls. And right now, I’m totally in love with Letty, the “heroine” from the erotica book I’m currently writing, STRINGS. She’s an unapologetic bull in a china shop with the mouth of a sailor and the balls of Hillary Clinton. Oh, and she’s a rock star. Yep.
Okay, all that crap is done with, let’s get physical. If you could bitch slap anyone in the world and have it make the front page of the newspaper, who would it be and why?
So many to choose from! Maybe one of those Westboro Baptist Church assholes. Could I slap all of them?
Yes, you may. And we will join you. Nothing worse than those toxic jerks.
Haters in all walks of life deserve a vigorous beating from my womancock, and maybe a piss in the face for good measure. I have no tolerance for intolerance.
We HATE intolerance. Um. Does that make us haters? Anyway, we here at Pankhearst don’t exactly condone violence. Well, maybe we do a bit. But honestly, we are lovers, not fighters. That said, we adore strong females. Name three women you’d want on your side in a battle, either of the wits or the brawn? Fictional or unfictional. (I think I made that last word up)
Courtney Love—that chick is the queen of crazy, but she’s also a misunderstood genius, in my opinion. I respect the fuck out of her and can totally relate to where she’s coming from. I bet she could take down an entire army with the flash of her magic, crazy tits.
Catwoman—sleek, smart, sneaky, sexy, and definitely not one to be trifled with. Need to break in to a place? Check. Need to seduce the enemy? Check. Need to steal million-dollar secrets? Triple check. I’m totally down with that pussy.
Zoe Bell—Kiwi stuntwoman extraordinaire. She’s not only fearless, strong, and pretty goddamn invincible, but her accent alone could disarm an enemy from forty feet away. Chuck Norris was spawned from one of Zoe Bell’s snot rockets.
That would be one humdinger or a showdown.
Because I just have to ask, what’s your favourite type of cake?
Chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. YUMMERHAMMER!
This is love. Sadly, as much as we are enjoying ourselves, we have housework to do. We try to end things on a high note, so here we go. What is the most amazing, awing, write home to your family from summer camp aspect of life?
I adore life’s unpredictability and total disregard for anything in its path. I love how you never know what you’re gonna get when you wake up each day. Life keeps me on my toes.
Keeps us on our toes too. It has been an immense pleasure, Kendall. And I have a feeling we will be hearing great things from you again. Most likely they will be laced so delicately with the eff-word.
And here are this lovely lady’s linky links:
And a completely gratuitous picture of Anne Hathaway. Who we love. Suck it, haters.